As I approached the day we would meet our rainbow baby, I felt increasingly anxious and ((hello)) scared. My heart was broken from losing our son last year and I didn’t know if reading birth stories was going to help or hurt – did I really want to know about other peoples birthing pains? Close calls and interventions? Surely it would just freak me out even more…. Eh, I normally loved birth stories so I went ahead and read a few. Actually, the more I read, the more relaxed I became. I can’t tell you how many I consumed in the weeks leading up to her birth! These stories not…
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Inhale Trust, Exhale Fear
At 37 weeks along with our sweet rainbow baby and just a couple of months away from moving our little family across the country, my anxiety levels are reaching all time highs. Though I am a relatively quiet worrier, I internalize a lot of what’s going on around me and I have mini freak outs in my head.
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Happy Heavenly Birthday + A Note to Grieving Mothers After a Miscarriage or Stillbirth
Earlier this month was our sweet baby boy’s first birthday in heaven. I really can’t believe it’s already been a year… the shortest, yet longest year of my life, for many reasons. Though we never got to bring him home, have him wear all the “little brother” shirts we had gotten for him, or snuggle on the couch as a family, we will forever hold him in our hearts and we can smile knowing he is beyond happy in heaven. I’ll be totally honest, the weeks surrounding his birthday left me emotionally drained.
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Maintaining a Grateful Heart
With so much to be grateful for, how is it that sometimes I/me/we struggle to find things to be grateful for? You know, the type of heartfelt thanks that goes beyond the “thank you for the food I’m eating, the roof over my head, the clothes on my back” type thing. We get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life – school, work, marriage, kids, a messy house, a traveling spouse, a big move, what have you – the challenges of the day seem to always get the better of us. Then, often times life happens. A huge change, something tragic, horrifying, “how could God let this happen” type thing…
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Words of the New Year
I’m a total sucker for New Years Resolutions. I’m a natural-born list maker so this makes total sense. But really, I love the excuse for a fresh start, even if it’s just another day or another page on a calendar. As I get older, and busier, I have adopted a different “resolution” method. Instead of specifics like traveling more, working out every day of the week or promising myself I am not going to eat so much chocolate and wine (who am I kidding) – I have started to pick words or phrases at the recommendation of several smart people 😉
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Pregnancy After Loss // Expecting Our Rainbow Baby
As I’m sitting here in complete awe, wonder, and insanely deep gratitude for the new life growing inside of me, I often reflect on the events that brought me here with my growing rainbow baby. After losing our son Michael last year, I experienced a whirlwind of emotions – many of which were so ugly and scary my heart literally aches when I think about it or imagine another mother in the same situation. Nevertheless, even with all the ugly, so much beauty and growth came from that time in my life.
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29. My Golden Year
I just turned 29 (and yes, in fact, I did cringe when I typed out that number) and according to the internet, this is my “golden year”. Though, I think it’s going to be special in more ways than one.
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More Than A Due Date – Remembering My Angel Baby
Happy due date my sweet little angel. I tried not to anticipate this day but as the day got closer, I just couldn’t help it.
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Only A Page In The Book
It wasn’t exactly pretty, but we did it. We made it through the first two weeks of training. Only 29ish more weeks to go… I’ve had that saying “the days are long, but the years are short” on replay in my mind… just as a little reminder and encouragement to myself
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Leaving What You Love, For The Love Of The Adventure
To say the past month has been totally crazy, would be a massive understatement. It had been exactly one week, to the day, since we said hello and goodbye to our angel baby when my husband and I received yet another bit of life changing news.
